Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Do you wish you had a few more hours in the day? Are you one of those people who never has enough time to finish the things you need to get done in a day? I am. Though, I have those few more hours. I'm an insomniac, unfortunately, and trust me when I say, those extra hours don't help you at all.

I usually can't fall asleep, if I do at all, until the early hours of the morning, around five or six if I'm lucky. My alarm goes off at seven and my bus comes at seven fifty-one. I get home around four in the afternoon and then have the rest of the night to do whatever I need to get done. I'll spend generally an hour on the internet social networking, or maybe posting a blog. After that I have the entire evening to do anything that needs being done. So basically nothing gets done. Time moves fast and some nights if I'm fortunate enough I'll finished everything and have hours and hours and hours so sit around online looking at art.

It feels like I'm wasting time though when I sift through art looking for inspiration. It shouldn't, but it does a bit. I'll just blow it off and keep looking for inspiration.

Forever Awake

Sunday, November 27, 2011


Finally, it's over. It isn't that I don't like holidays, or my family, because I do, but at the moment I'm on family overload.

Wednesday I went to global market with two of my aunts, and their kids (5 in total, 4 girls 1 boy). We spent about two hours roaming around, and eating Chinese food, and Italian ice. All in all it was pretty fun, their mango and lemon Italian ice was the best I've ever had.

After global market we headed over to Bryan-Lake Bowl. My experience there was much less exciting. The woman who was in charge of the bowling was quite arrogance and had a stick up her a**. She was incredibly rude to both me and my mom, as well as the rest of my family. We tried to ignore her attitude and had a great time bowling for the next few hours. When we finally left the rest of my family left leaving me and my mom. Since we were close to a store I liked to venture into we took a change and went inside. Eye of Horus is a metaphysical shop on Lake and Lyndale, across from my hair salon, that I haven't been to for a while.

Thursday was just chaos, as usual. I spent the morning at my aunts house eating caramel rolls, which are fantastic by the way. Here's a good recipe:
After that I went to my grandpas for dinner. There was turkey, stuffing, squash, parsnips, green beans, ah there was so much food I can't even remember it all. Now being a vegetarian on thanksgiving in a family of carnivores is quite difficult. I ended up having a little of every vegetable on the table, which were all quite good. After that I chose to pass up the usual pumpkin pie and instead had a piece of fudge, which was excellent.

Thursday evening I, along with the rest of the crazy American's all over the US went to target at midnight. I went from Target (where it was over controlled), to Khols which was just really busy. After that we went to Ridgedale mall, first stop coffee. By that time it was around three AM and I hadn't slept since Wednesday night. I think it was around six thirty when I finally got home and went to bed, only slept for a few hours though. I was awaken at about noon to go get a Christmas tree. After that we got coffee then went home and I fell into bed, asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I spent Saturday hanging garland for my grandpa, that was eventful, almost fell off a chair a few times, and almost fell off a table as well. That brings us to today, I slept till about two in the afternoon. Well I'm off to find something to make for lunch tomorrow.

Drained of energy

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Prayer Of The Refugee

The song:

The Lyrics:

I'm in one of my weird moods, overcome with a migraine that threatens to crack my skull in two, and not in the greatest of moods. I'll try to keep this for the most part PG-13 but I'm human and I'm not perfect.

I'm a refugee. Of this society, of this state, of this life. I'm a refugee.

"I’ll tell you stories of a better time, In a place that we once knew" Reminds me of the time I would sit on the hone with jay for hours, taking turns telling each other stories of a time when everything was so easy, and we had yet to be revealed to the cold harsh reality that is life. "We had a place that we could call home, And a life no one could touch" Those were the days, nothing could hurt us, except ourselves.

"Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!"
Yes it's true I relied on you, maybe a bit too heavily because now your gone and I'm in complete chaos, not that I wasn't before but now it's only worse.

"We are the angry and the desperate, The hungry, and the cold, We are the ones that kept quiet, And always did what we were told." Isn't that the cold hard truth? The ones who do as they're told and get the worst punishment of all. "But we’ve been sweating while you slept so calm, In the safety of your home. We’ve been pulling out the nails that hold up Everything you’ve known." Couldn't say it better myself.

"Keep quiet no longer, We’ll sing through the day, Of the lives that we’ve lost, And the lives we’ve reclaimed." It's time to do just that. Stand up and fight, the government, society, each other, everyone who tells you what to be, to do, to look like, to act, ALL OF IT. Fight back for christ sake, show them they don't rule you. Show them YOU decide who you are and they can't do a damn thing about it!

"Don’t hold me up now, I can stand my own ground, I don’t need your help now, You will let me down, down, down!"

And so the fight begins. For life is not worth living unless you have something to fight for.

Standing My Own Ground

Monday, November 14, 2011

We Make Our Own Way


"We make our own way" That's one of the most powerful lines in the song for me. It might be because I feel like I'm no longer in control of my life, or maybe it's because I feel completely in control for the first time ever, I'm not quite sure yet. I live my life based on who I am. But what happens when you loose who you are? That's what happened to me, and unfortunately I'm still lost. You probably couldn't tell by looking at me, hell I doubt even my closest friends know unless I've told them. After all I'm the master of deceit. Though not your average deceit, no the kind of deceit that is so well rehearsed and practiced behind closed doors that none would ever know the difference. My hands are no longer clasped around my destiny, hell sometimes I wonder if they ever truly were. ....Or was that just another well rehearsed lie I was told so much that I actually started to believe it? No I know what the biggest lie is. "No one can tell you who you are" In our society everyone tells you who you are Who you can be, how you can act, none of it is you. We are all just plastic fakes, some more plastic than others, made from the same mold of utter perfection.

But what if that's all a lie too? What if we are being deceived into believing we tell ourselves who we are, when really who we think we are is really who we aren't? Am I making sense? Now that's deep.

Oh how I would love to run and never look back. Just run to freedom and be who I truly am. The only problem? I've lost who I am. Years of everyone telling me I'm not 'being myself' right, or I'm this or that. No I'm not some label for you to dissect to figure out if I mixed the right elements in the correct order. I'm not a science experiment, always bound to come out the right way. Which brings me to my next point.


I feel like I am screaming bloody murder, but you know what else? I feel like no one can hear me, and I'm almost positive they can't. "I'm not quite myself these days, guess we all come undone time to time in different ways" As stated, I'm not myself these days. 'Myself' is long gone, and I'm out there every minute of eery day looking for it, so far I've come up empty.

"Well I guess it's time for me, tell me what I'm left to believe in? 'cause I don't know the concept of the pain, I don't want the fate I'm just losing" Couldn't have said it better myself. "I'm my worst enemy, who can't be saved." Let's hope that's not true.

That was quite a long post and I didn't even get to the third song. I'll spare you from more my adolescent teenage bullshit, as many would refer to it, and end the post now. Maybe I'll post the last song in a post tomorrow. I doubt I will have found myself by then.

Advice to the wise, don't ever let anyone tell you who you are, that's the first step in loosing yourself. And trust me, it's not pretty.

Gone Searching

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Good Life

Here it is everybody, the song of the day. Well mine anyway.

I'm not sure why I'm all the sudden addicted to this son, maybe it's because the other day I was in the car going down the highway, don't worry I wasn't the one driving, and this song was playing on my ipod. I think that was the first time I actually listened to the lyrics. For some reason they struck a cord deep in me that has been ringing ever since. (sorry for the bad analogy...thing...whatever it is) Anyway now today I've been listening to the song basically on repeat all morning. Advice? Don't do that you get tired of a song to the point where you can't listen to it anymore.

'I don't really know who I am
It's time for me to take a stand
I need a change and I need it fast
I know that any day could be the last' - the good life

Those lyrics in particular stand out to me when I listen to that song. And of course 'All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life' - the good life.

All in all it's a great song, rhythm wise, lyric wise, beat wise, and of course the combination of all of the above.


Wanting the Good Life

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Thought It Was Friday

As the title says, this morning when I woke up I was thoroughly convinced it was Friday. Apparently it isn't. Took me about twenty minutes to figure that out before my mildly good mood was completely destroyed.

Last night was the full moon, I thought it was beautiful for the short time I could see it before it was hidden by the clouds. I ended up meditating for the first time for a few months, and it felt wonderful. I actually slept. Can you believe it? Oh right, I'm a severe insomniac, meaning I very very rarely sleep. So every night that I get more than a few minutes is like gold to me.

I'm not one to complain about someone by name on the internet but I will say that currently I'm extremely angry at my Chemistry teacher, who put me by the girl in the glass that I cannot stand. I got her to move my seat, then the girl switched to the seat directly behind me. I doesn't all of class resisting the urge to turn around and scream at her to shut up, she doesn't know how. that's my theory anyway. Ah now that that's out of the way, the rest of my day has been pretty normal. Well as normal as a Thursday can be anyway. I'm wondering what's going to happen to night, something certainly will.


Waiting For Friday

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Long short week

It's Tuesday, but you already knew that. Or if you're like me, this news came as a shock to you.

Yesterday we got my friend back on the train which took him home to his little norther Minnesota town, then went to eat at Timberlodge, an extremely rare excursion. Food wasn't great but hey it was something to eat, which isn't bad. After that I got to hear all about a purple toaster my mom saw at Target. Personally I'd rather have the toaster that toasts Hello Kitty onto your bread, but that's just me.

I still haven't watched Pan's Labyrinth but I meant to last night. I'm very quickly realizing that school today is going to be more work than I'd like it to be. Thankfully I don't have homework, well besides that thing in world history, so tonight I might be able to catch a few episodes of some shows I'm pretty far behind on, and the new episode of Glee.

I watched the movie The Crow on Saturday. It was my dad's favorite movie when he was alive, and I have a wristband with the quote "True Love Never Dies." On it so I figured it was about time for me to see the movie for the first time. Turns out it was one of the best movies I've ever seen, and it's my new favorite. Like father like son I guess. After that I went into a kind of movie watching frenzy and spent the next two days (Saturday and Sunday)watching the first three Halloweentown movies, Hocus Pocus, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (<- amazing movie), and almost Pan's Labyrinth. I must say, when I first say commercials for Scott Pilgrim I thought it looked really stupid and I wasn't at all interested. I think that me and Bobi, who also thought it looked stupid, spent the entire movie commenting on how good it was. It quickly became another of my favorites.

Lunch is nearing it's close and I have yet to eat. Signing off-

Starving Artist

Friday, November 4, 2011


So my friend came in on the train a this afternoon. The trip to pick him up was for the most part uneventful, that was until we got to the station. I'd beat the train by about five minutes and walking around downtown with six inch platform boots, a black military style jacket and red and black Tripp pants makes you quite a sight. Oh I forgot my hair's pink as well. That was me at roughly 5:45 this evening. I waited the short five minutes before the elevator doors opened and out came Bobi my gay best friend in all his glory. We walked casually back to the car, getting looks form every one of the people we passed.

Once we got back to my house it was about ten and a half minutes before he needed a cigarette break so we made our way outside and started pacing my street. Now here we are, him lounging on my bed and me seated on top of my desk in the middle of a discussion about what to eat for dinner. This should be an entertaining weekend.

You know that feeling when you think you're fine and you don't quite realize how much you needed a break until you actually get one. Then you can just feel the stress melt away. Just walking down the street laughing it was like finally opened my eyes for the first time in a few year. It felt absolutely amazing...all thanks to Bobi.

For Once Relaxed (and loving every minute of it!)

My friend Bobi;

Thursday, November 3, 2011


I have always enjoyed fiction writing, as well as mythology so this whole English unit was pretty interesting. I'm also in this class at the Loft about dialogue so hopefully my writing will get better.
Would it be bad to say that I want to be a writer? Why would that be bad, well people always respond to me with things like, "Oh there's no money in books." Or "Really, how about you go into law?" Well, no. I'm not interested in law, I'm an artist. Painter by night, student by day, and graphic designer by afternoon. So writing doesn't really fit into that anywhere does it...

When I was eight my mom asked that dreadful question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"I think I said I wanted to be a rock star up until I was 10. When I was ten I had my entire life planned out. When I was in my middle teens I was going to be an actor. Once I was in my twenties I was going to be a rock star, after that when I was older I was going to be an artist. That obviously isn't going to happen and since then it's changed. For a while the answer was a singer, then it was a fashion designer, then it was an interior designer.

If you ask me now my answer is Artist. That's it. I just want to be an artist. Take that how you will and come to your own conclusions. Till then, signing off.

Reminiscently Thoughtful

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Looking For A Subject...

What do I know a lot about? I have no idea....Photoshop I guess but I don't think anyone wants to read a blog about Photoshop. I guess that until further notice this blog will just be my thoughts...whenever I feel like posting.

      Currently I'm sitting in media arts so bored that I can't even do what I love without it making me want to jump off a building. Such a sad happenstance that everyone in this class has a mouth that never closes, though it does allow me to write a bit while the teacher stands waiting for something to happen, though she knows it won't.

        In other news I'm doing this project for world history where I have to create a character from Ancient Rome and write something from their perspective. My character's story starts quite morbidly when his father abandons him in the street to become a slave. He ends up working at the Circa Maximus (chariot races) with the horses. There he is seen by Emperor Nero who decides to formally manumission him (something of the sort, not sure I have the word correct). Anyway he's writing letters to his love, I think I'm not positive on that quite yet, about what's happening to him. I really hope this project works because the rough draft is due friday...that's in two days.

        Last night I got through two episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, which was exciting. Tonight I have to get through more episodes while I clean my room, along with the rest of the house, my friends crashing with me for a few days. That should be interesting because I haven't seen him in a while.

        I feel like I should post a picture so I'm gonna go google search some stuff and look for an image to leave you with.

In the mean time, have a good day, hopefully better than mine has been so far, and watch your back. You never know what's going to pop out of the dark at you.


The Hopelessly Uninterested One

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Sitting in Chem

        Sitting in chemistry I can't help but think that I'd rather be anywhere but here right now. My chemistry teacher is rattling on and on about chemical equations which we covered two weeks ago. So I'm sitting here staring out the window at downtown thinking about lunch, which is probably what everyone else is doing as well. Clouds are floating lightly through the clouds, my thoughts going with them unfortunately.

        It occurs to me that I'm a few seasons behind on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I'm positive the teacher won't notice if I put my headphones in. That sounds like a good idea, time well spent.
 I'll post later.

Mindless one