Monday, November 14, 2011

We Make Our Own Way


"We make our own way" That's one of the most powerful lines in the song for me. It might be because I feel like I'm no longer in control of my life, or maybe it's because I feel completely in control for the first time ever, I'm not quite sure yet. I live my life based on who I am. But what happens when you loose who you are? That's what happened to me, and unfortunately I'm still lost. You probably couldn't tell by looking at me, hell I doubt even my closest friends know unless I've told them. After all I'm the master of deceit. Though not your average deceit, no the kind of deceit that is so well rehearsed and practiced behind closed doors that none would ever know the difference. My hands are no longer clasped around my destiny, hell sometimes I wonder if they ever truly were. ....Or was that just another well rehearsed lie I was told so much that I actually started to believe it? No I know what the biggest lie is. "No one can tell you who you are" In our society everyone tells you who you are Who you can be, how you can act, none of it is you. We are all just plastic fakes, some more plastic than others, made from the same mold of utter perfection.

But what if that's all a lie too? What if we are being deceived into believing we tell ourselves who we are, when really who we think we are is really who we aren't? Am I making sense? Now that's deep.

Oh how I would love to run and never look back. Just run to freedom and be who I truly am. The only problem? I've lost who I am. Years of everyone telling me I'm not 'being myself' right, or I'm this or that. No I'm not some label for you to dissect to figure out if I mixed the right elements in the correct order. I'm not a science experiment, always bound to come out the right way. Which brings me to my next point.


I feel like I am screaming bloody murder, but you know what else? I feel like no one can hear me, and I'm almost positive they can't. "I'm not quite myself these days, guess we all come undone time to time in different ways" As stated, I'm not myself these days. 'Myself' is long gone, and I'm out there every minute of eery day looking for it, so far I've come up empty.

"Well I guess it's time for me, tell me what I'm left to believe in? 'cause I don't know the concept of the pain, I don't want the fate I'm just losing" Couldn't have said it better myself. "I'm my worst enemy, who can't be saved." Let's hope that's not true.

That was quite a long post and I didn't even get to the third song. I'll spare you from more my adolescent teenage bullshit, as many would refer to it, and end the post now. Maybe I'll post the last song in a post tomorrow. I doubt I will have found myself by then.

Advice to the wise, don't ever let anyone tell you who you are, that's the first step in loosing yourself. And trust me, it's not pretty.

Gone Searching

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